Monday, 17 December 2012

Chapter 12 - Of Bloodshot Greens

A mega update for being so late with this one :(. I'm on holiday and I can't seem to find the time to update so I'm really sorry but hopefully this makes up for it :P. 

... Also okay guys so basically Anjali's backstory has taken on a transformation ;). At first I wasn't sure of how to actually write out her character in a way that would be justifiable but thanks to Criminal Minds we are back on track ;). 

And compusion compusion, it will be cleared in this chapter ;) and Aman is the good guy here ;).

Oh and P.S. that reminds me. Because you guys are my lovely readers that I love you guys so much *hugs* I'm going to give you guys the opportunity to suggest an actor for Aman :D. I'd like the poor man to have a face lol. So send me your suggestions and I'll pick one ;) xx

When a lot of things start going wrong all at once, it is to protect something big and lovely that is trying to get itself born –
And this something needs for you to be distracted so that it can be born as perfectly as possible.
- Anne Lamott

Aman walked quickly ahead, clearly pleased with himself for all of his hard work for the day. So many years laying underground hacking into numerous sources hadn’t gotten him nowhere in life after all. For so many years he’d given Arnav time, believed that his best friend would eventually one day unload to him his deepest darkest secrets, after all it was none of his business. But this time it was different, this time Arnav’s silence could have jeopardized a lot, including the sanctity of this Khushi.

He felt bad for her, she only wanted answers and he could understand her plight. Hell, if it had been him, it would have been a million times worse. No scrap that thought, he would never be put in this situation. 


"Arnav Singh Raizada?" She questioned her eyes wide, missing out on everything else that he had said. She felt she would fall suddenly, the extent of her assumptions hitting her. She moved back, her feet dragging across the floor, shaking her head, the shock enveloping her completely. No no no that wasn't his name! But then how did that even make sense? How was that possible? What did that mean? She'd lost him? No she hadn't because she'd never found him in the first place.


Aman waited to hear the footsteps behind him, the seconds passed by but there was no noise. He turned around then, curious as to what had happened, his instincts automatically carrying him towards her on seeing her state.

"Hey! Hey what's wrong?" He questioned, giving her shoulder a small squeeze, the concern clearly evident in his eyes. "Khushi?" He tried.

She couldn't stop the involuntary tears that grazed down her face; she had been so sure that it was her Arnav.

He couldn't help the panic that overtook him then. What the hell was going on? "Khushi are you okay? Don't you want to meet him?" He continued to try figure out what was wrong with her.

She looked up at him, her large eyes heavy with tears. How was she to tell him that Aman wasn't referring to the same man that she had sought for so many years? How long had she held onto that hope for? The hope of knowing him again, seeking him again. She felt herself breaking down all over again, every muscle of her body shaking from the effort of her tears.

“Khushi? Khushi?” He tried shaking her again.

She attempted to will herself the energy to talk to him, to tell him why she was so troubled.

“I… I… He…” She began to stammer, causing him to continue to look at her in confusion.

She closed her eyes, “He… He’s not the Arnav that I’m looking for!” She blurted out finally, taking in a deep breath in to attempt to calm herself down.

His eyes widened then suddenly his lips broke into a wide smile.

She glowered back at him, clearly not impressed with his reaction, what was this man made of and why the hell was he smiling?

“Why are you smiling?” She questioned, frowning up at him as his smile widened further.

Aman just couldn’t help himself, yet he tried anyway, “I’m sorry,” he apologized, “it’s just because I know what’s going on whilst you don’t,” he admitted, then regretted his words the next second, why couldn’t he control his mouth? She screwed her eyes, trying to make sense of what that meant.

“I mean, okay … erm… you are looking for Arnav Malik right?”

Her eyes widened, she moved further back against the wall. How did he know?

“Don’t be scared, I just… You’ll know how I know when I tell you the rest,” he tried to reassure her, sensing her fear.

She watched him carefully, silently pleading to Devi Mayya that this please not be a trap.

She nodded slowly as he waited for an answer.

“Well just like you changed identity years ago, so did Arnav Malik,” he began slowly but she was quick to catch on, her energy resurfacing, all her fragmented thoughts returning back to her, everything quickly falling into place.

“And he’s now known as Arnav Singh Raizada?!” She exclaimed, finishing off his sentence for him.


“Mr Arnav Singh Raizada have you considered getting your sister help before this?” She had a kind smile, he could tell from first glance the type of life she would lead. Every inch of her desk was tidy, the little notepads stacked up in a pile to the side, probably in some sort of order. Her pens lay in a small jar, not too many or too little; just right. She had enough chairs in her room so that it was not cluttered yet enough for people to feel comfortable. She probably led a quiet life, possibly lived alone and contacted her parents on a daily basis; everything in her life worked according to plan and most of her hopes would have worked out for her. He could tell.

“No, as I’ve told you before Dr Kashyap I do not take responsibility or for the most part, care about what my sister chooses do with her life.”

She nodded in reply, keeping that smile on her face, “of course I understand that Mr Raizada but I can tell just from looking at her that she is very emotionally distraught. More than anything she needs your support, she needs someone who knows her to care for her, to get her out of whatever mess she may feel she has put herself in.” Lavanya understood the psychology of many of her patients well; it was like she could read them. Even this man sitting in front of her, his body language, the way in which he spoke, his unwavering resolve and his refusal to show his pain to people, even his sister who it was evident he cared so much for, all of these clearly told her of the walls that he walked around with. This was a man that was scarred, broken, in need of as much help as his sister but telling him would be futile because he would never agree.

“Dr Kashyap,” he moved forward in the chair, bringing his gaze towards hers and holding it, “I think I’ve told you this before. I do not have the time, the energy or the patience to deal with her. If there is something that you think can be done then you are welcome to try. As I’ve told you already the charges will be paid for. Just do not expect me to become involved in any way.”

Lavanya nodded slowly, not taking too long to realize that he was not going to change his mind. “Alright then Mr Raizada as you wish. I will try my best.”


Her heart was heavy with an array of emotions, all crashing through its depths. She could feel the tremble that had started from her toes run all the way up, little tingles running up her spine. She was confused once more, totally unaware of what to do, what to say next. Her heartbeats were erratic; taking little jolts and jumps through her chest, her breath heavy, her mind numb.

“Chutki, what if one day we fall apart? You know it happens to everyone, people go off for different jobs, different courses,” he raised the topic suddenly, his face lost in thought, those chocolate brown eyes of his distant.

She walked over and sat next to him on the bed, sure there was something more to it than he meant. “What do you mean Arnav? Is anything wrong?” She questioned, gently placing her hand atop his.

He looked at her suddenly; a dark edge to his eyes then let it go quickly, as if he was hoping she wouldn’t catch on. “Nothing’s wrong,” he brushed off, bringing a smile to his face, “I was just wondering about the future that’s all,” he tried to pass it off on a light note.

She grabbed his arm then, entwining her own arm around his, bringing herself closer so that they sat arm in arm. “If we ever fall apart,” she began with a wide grin on her face, “I’ll make sure to hunt you down, give you a right telling off because you would have been the one to create the distance in the first place then give you the longest hug possible,” she continued, watching the small smirk that had sparked creep further and further into a smile on his face.

She remembered her innocent words, his own words that had remained a scarring reminder of the impending doom that she had not foreseen. She knew now that he had known something then. She was angry with herself for not having probed further, at him for not having told her. But one thing had changed, he hadn’t created the distance, fate had created it, fate had torn them apart, separated them in ways that they would then find it difficult to find each other again. Now she didn’t understand who to be angry at, herself, or him? Who was she supposed to accuse for this, the police officer that had changed her identity? And then did he ever attempt to find her? Did he try to find his Chutki or did he just continue on with his life imagining her to be dead?  And if he had could she blame him? Could she blame him for believing what would have been presented to him?

Then there was this Angelica, the woman who’s name had created panic, she remembered how he’d dropped her hand, ran out without a glance backwards. Was she the person he had replaced her memories with? No, she tried to banish those thoughts from her mind, it wasn’t right to make assumptions.

She remembered his reassuring words, his gentle caramel orbs, and his hushed promises. How many times had he told her he’d look after her? She remembered the gentle squeeze of his hand around hers, how their gazes had met and there had been that understanding, how she had trusted him without knowing him, unaware of who he really was. And then his struggling words, his half uttered sentences, the way he held her hand. Had he been about to tell her?

She wasn’t sure of herself anymore, her mind and heart at a constant battle, the words that she had uttered to him all those years ago coming back to her. She didn’t know what she would do this time when she met him, how she would react, how he would react. Over the years she knew she had changed, she had learned a lot more, about the world, about people but she hadn’t changed a great deal, but had he? What was he like now? What was his job? She knew he became angry at the slightest of things but thinking back to that she settled on that he had always been like that, always a bit quick tempered, always making hasty decisions but had other things changed?

Would they be the same now? Would he talk to her in the same way? Would he see her in the same light? Would they still have that same bond? And what if they didn’t? What if all of it changed? Then what would they have left? Then what would she do? Would she be able to accept that?  

Suddenly she wasn’t so sure she wanted to meet him anymore. She imagined them standing in front of each other, lost for words, their lost worlds clashing against their newfound futures. She didn’t want that she didn’t want to imagine them like that, she didn’t want her hopes and dreams, the prayers that she had nurtured for so many years destroyed like that.

She felt her heart become heavy with each step, her steps slowly faltering, falling behind Aman’s rapid pace. She tried to walk quicker but couldn’t find the strength, the will to carry on. She felt herself falling, loosing hope with every breath. She found it difficult to come to terms with the fact that things may never be the same.


“Aakash get our men over to the main hospital! As soon as possible! I want this job done right now!” Shyam barked as soon as he was able to put the phone down.

Aakash watched his boss skeptically, completely unaware of why these commands where being thrown his way.  He took out his phone nonetheless, not new to blank instructions. Pressing a few keys he commanded men over to the main hospital, his instructions brief.

Hanging up he looked towards Shyam once more who stood with a smirk on his face, his features manic.

“Sir what are they looking for exactly?” Aakash questioned then, needing to send the next set of instructions through.

Shyam’s face began to twitch; he brushed his hair back with his fingers, a low cackle erupting from his throat, quickly giving way to a cackling laugh. Quickly walking towards Aakash and grabbing him by the shoulders he breathed the words onto Aakash’s face, “Khushi Kumari Gupta!” He walked backwards laughing, his arms up in the air, “I’ll finally have her!”


Arnav clicked the door to the doctors cabin shut behind him, his slow steps leading him to the glass window outside his sister’s room, his eyes falling onto her face of their own accord, her eyes now closed in deep sleep. His fingers clung onto the glass and he hated how she still looked the same.

“Chotey! How many times have I told you to just quit this godforsaken job but you won’t listen to me!” She chided him as she rubbed oil onto his back.

“Di it’s okay,” he moaned back, his lips drawing into a thin line, his back completely erect as he tried to hide the pain. “It was my fault anyway, I didn't wash the car properly.”

She began to sniff then, rubbing his back with one hand and he turned back around to meet her dark ebony eyes brimming with tears and her furious attempts to hide them. “You shouldn’t have to do this,” she began, her tears choking her words, “ I should be able to provide better than this for you,” she mumbled in between her sobs.

He placed his hand on her lips hushing her, “you know that it hurts me more than this to see tears in your eyes Di so please stop crying, I’m sure better days will come,” he attempted to reassure her. “And I promise till then that I’ll protect you.”

He remembered his words now, his broken promise to her and how much he had failed her.

His phone began to vibrate just then breaking him out of his tormenting memories.

He frowned looking at the name that flashed on the screen; it couldn't mean good news.

“Hello Arnav?” The voice on the other end carried a fearful urgency.

“Yeh go one,” Arnav urged the man to continue.

“Arnav you know how you told me to keep an eye on Khushi?”

Arnav felt his heart stop inside his chest, the colour draining off of his face. He listened on, his heart in his throat.

“Arnav, Shyam’s men are heading towards the hospital to get her, apparently she’s been seen there,”

Arnav’s eyes widened, swallowing hard he finally tried to bring words to his parched throat, “wh…Which hospital?” He managed to mumble out.

“The main one.”

He began walking towards the exit, already dialing Aman’s number. What the hell was going on?


“Shit!” Aman cursed as he brought his phone out to see Arnav’s name flash on the screen. He threw a glance backwards at Khushi who walked with her gaze lowered to the ground, seemingly lost in her own world.

“Where’s Khushi?!” The question was barked out of the phone even before he could get a word in.

“With me,” Aman tried to be smart about it, if he didn’t give much away then he technically wouldn’t be lying either would he? But then why was Arnav so angry?

Arnav exhaled loudly, his footsteps fast against the laminate floor as he pushed his way through another set of doors. “And where the fuck are you?” His voice was furious, his other hand clenched into a fist at his side as he strode through yet another corridor.

Aman let his eyes wander to all corners of the corridor, not sure of how to answer. Had that bastard NK spilled? “Erm Arnav actually,” he began to create time, sure as hell that he would be dead meat if Arnav found out right now.

“Damn it Aman! Where the fuck are you?!” Arnav exclaimed into the phone.

Closing his eyes and preparing himself to be hung, “in the main hospital,” Aman finally breathed out.


Khushi looked back suddenly, breaking away from her conflicting thoughts, feeling someone’s eyes on her. She spotted them from the corner of her eyes, three grimy looking men clearly following her. She quickly edged closer to Aman, that fear from the day before engulfing her once more.


“Which corridor are you in?” Arnav was quick to question, no arguments, no threats, nothing, even leaving Aman completely confused.

“Wh… What?” Aman questioned, taken aback.

“Aman, which corridor are you on?!” He exclaimed, rapidly losing patience.

A bullet whizzed past Aman’s head just then, he turned around, his eyes wide, then grabbed Khushi and ducked for cover.

“Shit! We’ve got shots being fired!” He shouted into the phone.

Arnav felt his heart pound through his chest, his breaths rapid, he fell into a slow run then sprinted through the corridors, green walls flashing past him, white metal chairs, large swing doors as he crashed through them. “Where the fuck are you Aman?!” He yelled as he ran.

“Corridor 7!” Aman shouted over the commotion, people running in all different directions as he tried to get away from the men that were following them, already reaching for his own gun.

Khushi crouched on the floor, then followed Aman as he ran through the crowd blindly, desperately needing to just crawl underneath something, cover her ears and pretend that none of this was happening.

Tears ran down her cheeks as her memories flooded back, shouts, screams and bullets.

Chutki stay in here, you’ll be safe,” her mother’s final words.

“Khushi hurry up! We need to get out of here!” She heard him shout but she found it difficult to run, her legs heavy like lead.

Arnav broke through the large white doors, his eyes falling towards her, the trails of tears down her cheeks, their gazes clashing; blazing caramel against drowning hazel.

Her eyes widened, she felt herself stop in her tracks, the mayhem around her falling into a distant blur, the shouts muted, the tug of Aman’s hand ignored. She didn’t know what it was but she felt her anger dispel into nothingness, her thoughts fall numb.

“Take cover! Hide!” Arnav shouted to Aman, reaching them within a few strides. “Go!” He screamed quickly taking a hold of Khushi’s arm, their gazes meeting once more.

She looked to him, his adamant eyes clashing against her bewildered ones. The sounds came to her suddenly; echo’s of screams and shouts.

“Khushi we need to get out of here!” He yelled over the commotion, pulling at her arm.

She looked down, his hand tight around her arm. She began to follow him blindly, her gaze stuck on his face.

He ran quickly then pulled her into a dark corridor, pushing her against the wall and shielding her with his body.

She felt herself stiffen, her heart almost stop for a second or two. She’d never felt him so closely before, she could feel the rapid flutter of his heart beats, his warm breath against her skin. Her chest heaved against his, desperate for more air. She closed her eyes momentarily, letting new tears roll down her cheeks, she didn’t know what was happening but from now on it was better to let things fall into place by themselves, she finally decided. 

She felt him move against her then, his hands tightening around her shoulders as if he wanted to move her back. She moved her head up, her eyes slowly rising up to meet his gaze to clash against deep caramel orbs. 

He felt his breath hitch in his throat, their equally pounding heart beats resounding in their ears, her deep hazel eyes with the smallest of brown freckles boring into the depths of him. 

And she felt herself drown in the pools of his muddied caramel spheres for the first time. 

All this time,
I believed 
with all 
I am
that I
would find 
- Tyler Knott Gregson

Monday, 26 November 2012

Chapter 11 - When Fate Plays

P.S. *drumroll here she comes with another bloody warning* :P. 
This chapter may not go according to plan mwaha! 

He had to miss me. It's not possible for one person to miss another person so much she thinks she might die, and for that other person not to even miss her at all, is it? I mean, we'd been soul mates. Soul mates are forever. Aren't they?
- Melissa Kantor

His mind was still fragmented, in pieces and commotions of problems that he would never be able to solve. He leaned back against the cold steel of the creaking hospital chair, his fingers tightening on the fragile cardboard of the paper cup he held by each passing second. His eyes were bloodshot, glazed over as he pondered through too many of the miseries in his mind that he could never escape. He wanted to throw the damn coffee against the wall, watch the ugliness of the spill as it would seep into the paint then spread it's tentacles all the way to the smooth vinyl floor. He wanted to grab his hair and scream like no one was listening, just scream and scream till he was out of breath. He needed release, something, anything to free him of his past, his memories, his duties, the wretched love that he still held for his sister.

"Di where are you going? It's 10pm, it's not safe to go out at this time," 

He saw her brows furrow together, her lips parting then coming back together with words that she wasn't able to form. He was by her side within seconds.

"Di? What's wrong? Is something wrong? Should I call Vimla Chachi?" He questioned, always quick to catch onto her every problem.

"Nahin chotey the company I work for has demanded that I do an extra shift tonight. We have a ball organised and I need to be there."

He didn't quite believe her reassurance, her eyes that darted to everywhere but his telling a different story altogether.

"What nonsense is that di? It's not safe for you to go out at this time let me go drop you off," he offered then but she waved him off.

"No no Chote they've arranged a car for me I'll be fine," she mumbled, attempting a smile before she practically ran out of the door.

He ran out after her only to stop in his tracks as she stepped into a large black mercedes. He continued to walk after it, his pace slower as his mind calculated over a dozen different questions. He was sure he had seen the vehicle before, was sure that he'd washed it in the valeting service he worked for. 

On his way back, he felt things fall into place slowly, unanswered questions that he had previously dismissed resurfacing. He was gradually seeing a change in Anjali, her new abrupt nature, not answering any of his questions clearly, excessive amounts of make-up, expensive jewellery and saris, none of which added up.

It wasn't till a few weeks later, when he had seen the car and the man inside it once again, it wasn't until that night when he had lain in bed whilst his sister had been out once more during the night that it had all finally fallen into place. When he had finally realised exactly what was wrong ... And he had been too late.

As he sat there in that same place once more still unknown to what compelled her to take such steps it occurred to him that he in fact did not hate Anjali. If Arnav Singh Raizada was being completely honest with himself, if he stepped past everything and stripped it down to one thing, it was himself that he hated. He hated his own weakness, his inability to have saved Khushi all those years ago, to have prevented his sister or realised sooner, he hated his own misgivings. It was himself that he hated.


Taking a deep breath in Aman finally let his knuckles fall on the wooden door. As his hand came down a second time on a knock the door creaked open. Raising an eyebrow he peaked in, instantly being taken aback by the site before him.

She sat at a corner of her bed, her knees pulled in, her arms around her knees, her face void of any emotions, her eyes blank and distant. He felt his heart sink slightly, shit things were worse than he had anticipated. He walked in hesitantly, still quite unsure as to how to proceed. Arnav was away and he'd decided to just talk to her for once, try and put her mind at ease.

Her head snapped up just as he walked in and she felt herself crouch into the corner reflexively, her eyes widening and her arms tightening around her knees.

He held his arms up, stopping in his tracks as if in surrender. "Sorry I come in peace," he tried, attempting a smile as her brows furrowed and she continued to shuffle further away. Okay maybe comedy wasn't the best of approaches with her.

Khushi felt wary, she didn't no what to think, her mind in a spiral of conflicting thoughts and assumptions and this man, this unknown man standing in front of her was not in the least bit helpful. "I... I don't know," she began to stammer, her eyes flickering from his face to the floor then back to him again, not sure of what to say or do. She just wanted to run away, from the confines of what felt like this prison cell that he had placed her in. A part of her wanted to believe the sincerity in his eyes, his quietly mumbled promises, whilst the other part didn't know what to do, what to expect.

"You don't know me!" Aman began, his voice not losing the jovial nature of his for a second as he hurriedly sat on the bed, at a distance that she would feel comfortable at. "I'm Aman," he began, completely ignoring the baffled, frightened look she threw his way. "Don't worry I really don't bite, I'm pretty nice actually, if I do say so myself," he continued, a large smile on his face.

Khushi watched the man in front of her, Aman, completely bewildered. Who was this man and why was he rambling on like a mad person?

"Seriously, you can trust me, even more than Hawk because well he's not the most open of books now is he?" It was like he was talking more to himself now. Having being brought up around computers for most of his life, his experience with girls was pretty pathetic, so he made his attempts with the little he knew.

Closing her eyes for a second and taking a deep breath in she finally looked to him. "Listen Aman?"

"Yes! We are at least getting somewhere, you've got my name correct!" He beamed, suddenly slightly excited.

She put her hand out to stop him from speaking further, her fingers clearly trembling.

"Yes ... Aman, I don't understand any of this which is..."

"Yes nor do I but then we never rarely understand much in this world anyway now do we?" He butted in, clearly assuming that he had formed some sort of connection with her now.

She shook her head quickly, coming out of the small ball she had wrapped herself into, her worries and fears subsiding to confusion with this demented man and his ramblings.

"No no you don't understand I don't even know you," Khushi began, edging off of the bed to stand up.

"No you do, I'm Aman, I'm a friend of Hawk's," he smiled back reassuringly, standing up with her.

She felt anger course through her this time. What did he think of himself? This time it wasn't sorrow, it was pure undiluted rage. She could feel it shake through her every bone. And this man? What did he think of himself? The audacity of him to lie to her too.

"You mean Arnav?" She stated definitively, squaring up to him, this time takin a step towards him, her hazel orbs blazing with fury.

His eyes widened immediately, Arnav's words playing over on his mind.

"She shouldn't know my name," Arnav's voice was quiet but the instructions in them clear. 

"But why?" Aman questioned, not new to his friends ambiguity but attempting for an answer nonetheless.

"It's a long story Aman, just... Just don't let her know my name. It's something that I need to tell her myself," he finally mumbled, arousing Aman's suspicion all the more but he decided not to prod him further. Prodding did no good when it came to Arnav Singh Raizada and he would have plenty of time to do that when everything was sorted. 

He took a step back instinctively, his mind jumping to the worst, feeling for the gun that was stuffed in his back pocket. "Wait how do you know that?" He questioned, suddenly feeling apprehensive about this girl and then Arnav's intentions.

She couldn't believe her ears, she felt blind with rage, fury that would surely consume her any moment now. "What the hell do you mean by how do I know his name?!" She screamed, taking a further step forward as Aman's hand automatically tightened around his gun. "Why don't I ask you the same question? How do you know my name? How does Arnav know my name? Why are you keeping me here?" She could feel herself being on the verge of punching this man in front of her square on the face. How dare any of them ask her any questions?

Fucking hell! This girl was a piece of work, he thought to himself as he slowly released his grip on the gun. This wasn't what he had anticipated but it was personal and he would have to get to the bottom of this the right way. If anyone knew about Arnav, it was Aman, he knew his best friend and he could tell, every action of Arnav's screamed disaster and this was it. His friend was falling, head down for this girl who had a connection to his past, who he had possibly known before meeting Aman and now she knew who he was. It didn't take him long to connect the dots.

"Hold on," he stopped her before she actually pounced forward and hit him, taking a deep breath in and bracing himself he finally began again. "How do you know his name? I'm not asking for questions in return just an answer," he tried to make his voice even, each word pronounced loud and clear.

"And why should I tell you that when you aren't answering any of my questions?" She retorted back, clearly exasperated.

"Okay, if you answer me then I could maybe answer some of your questions," he bargained. He watched as she pondered over that thought for a few seconds, a small smile spreading over his lips.

Her lips quivered, her eyebrows knitted together but she needed to know so she finally gave in, it wasn't as if it was the most important fact in the world anyway. "That man that came to get Arnav called him out by his name," she finally mumbled, sighing.

Fuck! NK! Of course he should have known and now not only NK but he also would have to face the wrath of Arnav. Shit! This was all going so desperately wrong.

"And now you have to answer my questions," she stated this time, looking straight into his eyes, her gaze challenging.

He began to feel himself stumble against his own thoughts. What was he supposed to do now?

Taking a deep breath in, the deafening silence, the only audible noise their loud breaths calming his nerves he finally took a decision.

"Give me an hour and I'll get back to you. I'll be in this same place so I won't be running away," his words were flowing out quickly, as he properly formulated a plan. She took another step towards him, trying to understand but he was too quick for her, already walking out of the door.


"Sir the new shipments has been ordered," Aakash reported to Shyam, his fingers furiously working away at his other phone as he replied back to Payal's message, a slow smile spreading over his face as he desperately tried to hide the amusement from his boss.

"Good! Now for the girl Aakash! I want the god forsaken girl!" Shyam screamed down through the other end of the phone, he was growing more and more restless by the second. He could literally feel her skin against his skin, smell her soft fragrance. He closed his eyes swallowing, his desires overpowering him, she was like a drug, he felt like a man dying of thirst, his thirst for her. He wanted her next to him, with him, in his arms, allowing him to inhale her in completely.

Clicking the phone down and sliding it across the table he leaned agains the table, his breaths loud and ragged. His whole body was shaking, he was craving for her. "Khushi," he whispered, feeling the taste of that name on his mouth. It wouldn't be long before he got her now.


"Mr Arnav Singh Raizada?" The doctor walked upto the man that clearly looked distressed, not really wanting to disturb him as he sat with his face buried in his hands.

He looked up looking slightly disorientated, his bloodshot eyes and haggard expression already giving too much away to the doctor.

"Mr Raizada, I'm sorry to disturb you," she began as he quickly stood up, gathering himself together, fixing his hair, wiping his face from not even knowing the state that she had just awakened him out of.

He shook his head slowly, insisting on her to continue.

"Mr Raizada, according the hospital records this is her third attempt at suicide," she began as he nodded slowly in return.

"We can't let this go on, I mean I can offer suggestions."

Audibly gulping he looked her straight in the eyes, evidently letting her know that it was his turn to speak. "Listen doctor I'm aware it's a problem," he began, clearly not the same emotionally distraught man that he had been only seconds before. It didn't even surprise him anymore, this ability of his to just switch off but it was required, this is how he coped and he had to address this issue. "But this is not something I can solve, this is her choice, all I can do is be there for her when she needs me."

"But Mr Raizada her occupation," she looked at him properly this time, he looked decent to him, it wasn't in her profession to judge but there was definitely something wrong here.

"Listen, Dr..." He looked to her name badge, "Kashyap? I'm going to tell you this for the last time and I'd like this to be put into the hospital records. I do not take responsibility or care for any of her actions. I am simply managing my responsibility towards her. If you are so interested yourself you are more than welcome to help her, in fact I will pay any of the charges that that may incur," he stated matter-of-factly, getting to the point and not bothering for any judgement that the doctor may pass.

She looked at his features for a few seconds, he was indeed handsome she had to admit to herself, his chiselled features along with his stubbled cheeks that clearly defined his high jaw line, his molten caramel penetrating eyes, his stern face, there was something about him that even had her heart beating slightly faster. And then there was this demeaning manner of his, it was more than evident that he cared for his sister but his cold demeanour left her completely baffled. "But sir, the next time," she tried to make him understand and that's when she caught it, that tiny flickr of concern that rapidly passed through his features.

Lavanya Kashyap was running an overtime shift at the A&E today but otherwise being a trained psychiatrist she was quick to read him; at first his despair and now his all too evident concern. "Mr Raizada," she began again, "this is my card, I run my own psychiatric center and your sister is more than welcome there, please contact me if you feel it to be a good step," she finally said placing the card in his hand, then gently smiling walked away.

Arnav looked down at the card for a few seconds, his thumb flicking at the square edge. He walked over to her room slowly, his thoughts lost in that far distant corner all the while.

"Ch...Chotey," she attempted to sit herself up on the bed as he entered, her eyes now used to the conflicted emotions of her brothers face. She yearned for one more chance to hold him, to brush his worries away, to let him rest his head on her lap whilst she weaved her fingers through his hair, gently lulling him to sleep. She closed her eyes, welcoming the raw pain as the tears sprang out of the corners and flowed down her cheeks.

He looked away, his fingers tightening on the thin cardboard, even after all of these years he found it difficult to digest her pain.

"Chotey I'm sorry," she began her voice breaking through the sobs, her arm automatically stretching out to him but he kept his distance.

"I'd appreciate it if you didn't do this again," when he spoke again that cold mask was back on, his words to the point and unflinching. "But for your well being and to make sure that I don't have to go through this a fourth time, I'm going to put your name forward to Dr Kashyap for counselling."

She listened intently, not losing out on even a single one of his emotions as he spoke, not the ones he seemed devoid of but his true feelings that he hid only so little below the surface. "Chotey... Please just listen to me once," she begged, the tears choking her voice.

He closed his eyes for a second, taking another deep breath in, this was always difficult no matter how much he braced himself for it before hand. He quickly began to trace his steps back the way, not playing heed to any of her words, afraid that that would make him even more weak.

"Chotey..." she mumbled from behind him, struggling out of her bed to stop him but he had already opened the door and before she could reach him shut the door behind him, not even allowing himself a glance backwards.

He went out into the corridor, still holding in the tears that threatened to fall out and spill for her. He refused to think back to all the other times that he had done this. He wanted to leave her behind, forget that she existed. He desperately wanted to stop caring but he couldn't, he'd tried on so many occasions  over and over again but failed.

He slumped back onto the chair, his body weak and his thoughts lost in a hazy mess somewhere. Like every other time he would remain in the corridor, every memory of his playing through his mind vividly till she would be discharged.

This is all that remained of their relationship, her broken pieces and him picking them back up.


"Aman what the hell are you doing?" NK questioned, attempting to read the text rapidly loading on the screen in front of him as Aman continued to furiously type away, seemingly oblivious to the prying eyes of NK.

"Go away NK, I'm busy," he attempted to wave him off.

"With what? Another mission?" NK continued to harass him with questions.

"Fuck off NK you are annoying!" Aman complained, pushing him away with one hand as he still continued to type away with the other.

"You've been at this fucking typing business for like half an hour. Are you guys keeping some sort of secret mission from me? Because that would be mean," he moaned pulling a chair and moving closer to Aman as Aman rolled his eyes in return.

"Aman batao batao, you need to tell me!"

"Fucking hell Nand Kishor! You are the biggest nuisance on the planet right now!" Aman exclaimed throwing his hands up in the air, if only he could punch NK in the face and not get shot in the process.

NK's eyes widened just then, almost popping out of his sockets. "What the hell are you doing?" He screamed, shoving Aman over to the side to get a closer look.

"Im digging!" Aman shouted back pushing NK away.

"You mean you're digging your own grave!" NK exclaimed, "that's Arnav's secure details!"

"So? I'm a legal hacker! I'm allowed to do these things! And this is only for his well-being!" Aman tried to explain then as NK's face scrunched up in confusion gave up with him and just pushed him out of the way completely.

"Fine!" He finally decided, "am I getting in on this let's stalk Arnav plan of yours or do I bust your cover?" NK questioned, edging closer again.

A smirk spread over Aman's face just then. "NK baby I believe we have a deal. Now you stay here whilst I go make Khushi your bhabi!" He grinned to himself then strode out of the room before NK could prod him any further, leaving a very confused NK behind.

Aman was now a man with a plan!


Khushi opened the door and walked out even before Aman could think of walking in.

"I gave you an hour!" She exclaimed, she had been ready for this, the words were already formulated in her mind. For the first time in years Khushi Kumari Gupta was furious and she needed venting! Arnav had left so this man would do!

"Wow! Hold up! Hold up!" Aman shouted taking a step back, his hands up in surrender.

She glared back at him, trying to understand what exactly this man was made of. Her expressions quickly changing to one of confusion as he smiled back.

"Follow me," he smiled turning on heels and walking towards the end of the corridor.

"Where?" She demanded, keeping her feet firmly planted on the ground.

He turned around, allowing another smirk, "to meet the man that is now Arnav Singh Raizada."

You're waiting for a train. A train that will take you far away. You know where you hope this train will take you but you don't know for sure. But it doesn't matter. Because we'll be together. 
- Inception

... :( sorry that there is a lack of Arshi but this chapter leads onto Arshi scenes ;)... x Pinks loves you all! Please don't hit me with your chappals :P xx

Monday, 12 November 2012

Chapter 10 - To Burn in Flames

This is going to be a bit of a rollercoaster. You have been warned ;). So brace yourselves :P xx

Your name burns in me,
warming from the inside,
each letter a flame. 
- Tyler Knott Gregson

As she attempted to move a piece of wool up to his face he stopped her, his hand falling on top of her arm, his fingers in a tight grip. He looked straight into startling hazel large spheres this time, pools of chocolate against orbs of hazel. His fingers grazed her soft porcelain skin ever so slightly as he spoke not breaking eye contact for a second.

"Khushi I need to tell you something..."

She sat watching him, her fingers stilling against his skin, not understanding exactly what he wanted to talk to her about but keeping quiet anyway, letting him say what he had to say. She wanted to know so much, ask him so many things but refrained herself for she was afraid that it would turn him into the ruthless man that he was capable of becoming.

He gulped back the fear that was slowly climbing up his spine, not sure how he was going to begin, his fingers unconsciously tightening around her arm as she continued to watch him, her piercing gaze unnerving. He attempted to think through the many consequences of telling her and then of not but couldn't, his coherent thoughts lost in a haze. He closed his eyes for the smallest of seconds, attempting to clear his mind but couldn't, it being focused solely on just telling her, of lifting this huge burden off of his shoulders.


Her nimble fingers ran over the frayed edges of the envelope, lifting its flap slowly, making sure not to let the already tattered paper crumple in her hands. Angelica had grown up with expectations for life, simple hopes and dreams that every girl carried with her but it was not to be, it was never to be and she had now accepted that fact, accepted her retched fate. In this cruel world, things rarely changed, the world continued around you in its horrid gait whilst you stood in the middle, drowning in a puddle of your own misery, wishing that someone, anyone would help you out but knowing deep inside that help wouldn't come. Ringlets of her hair fell to the tiled floor, its water dripping to the cool surface and leaving the smallest of puddles. She inserted her finger into the envelope, having to pry it open slightly with the edges of it stuck to the letter that it held within. Tears continued to silently flow down her face.

Her thoughts travelled back towards him again, Arnav, she couldn't remember the last time she'd seen his face, his melted chocolate soulful eyes that spoke volumes in themselves. It saddened her, how much they'd grown apart, how life had not failed to break her completely, shatter her every dream, her every memory, her every tie. But she was happy for him, for the route he had chosen and even though he hated her she was happy in that far off feeling of the fact that even in the darkest corner of his heart, he still loved her. That he still cared. If only he knew the truth, if only she could tell him but she wouldn't because his life in the end was worth a lot more than her own. He deserved happiness, even if that meant she had to forsake her own.

She gently pulled the paper out, her fingers trembling against the worn letter, its edges yellowing and breaking away and opened it slowly, reminding herself of another that had given up her life for something that had happened many years ago. But that's how it is when tragedies hit, no one really gets over them, everyone tries to get up, gather the broken pieces and just walk away but no one truly does. Because pieces of it stay with you forever, like the tiniest shard of glass embedded in the sole of your foot, you can never find it, but you know it's there, piercing you with every step but you can't get it out. And that's what it was, it still affected them, all of them, it was a part of them and the pain and guilt coursed through her like a burning fire. She let her eyes run over the perfectly slanted handwriting once more, her tears obstructing her view slightly.

Dear Chutki,

I hope you are well and I hope you get this letter. I don't know much about you but I felt that I must send it before I make my decision, whatever it may end up being. What happened still remains like a scar on my mind and I still feel angry at myself, at my parents for not telling me, for not letting me know earlier. I still regret that I never got a chance to meet you, to meet amma and babuji and I will forever feel that that part of my life is missing, incomplete. 

But today I write to you in the hopes that you are still alive because I can't escape that feeling that you survived and I pray to god that you get this letter and you read it and understand and more than anything you find out about me too. But it is too late for me, I'm in a mess that I cannot escape from so I wanted to tell you this before I leave. 

I request that you never disclose your identity to anyone, that you never repeat to anyone the events of the past. The people that created this, they are still looking for you, they suspect that you are still alive and you have something, something which is of importance to them and they want it back. The Jhas, if they find you... I can't even begin to thing of what that may lead to. But please be safe, be vary, do not let anyone near you, do not confide in anyone. This is my last attempt to get to you and I sincerely hope I have. You may not find me by the time this letter reaches you... I may not be alive by then. 

Yours with love and affection 

Diya Nayak

Angelica fell over the trunk, her sobs escaping her in loud ragged bursts, it had reached that point again where she couldn't take it anymore. She lay with her body splayed over the floor, her tears trailing down the sides of her face as she scrunched up into a ball, her loud sobs changing into screams as she pulled at her hair. She needed escape!


"Erm, I just," he gulped struggling to find the right words, his eyes hovering over her innocent face.

She could read the trepidation in his eyes, a distant fear, a determination to tell her something and yet his mind torn on that very decision. She blinked rapidly for a second, pulling herself out of his gaze.

"Arnav you know you can't hide things from me! I can read everything in your eyes! You should teach them to lie first!" She yelled at him as he turned away and stormed off, rapidly walking after him, determined on not leaving him alone. 

She felt the beating of her heart increase, too many memories, similarities flooding back to her and paralysing her senses. She wanted to stop it! Stop this comparison! This constant reminder that he was her Arnav. She pulled her arm away from him without any conscious thought to the action.

He looked down at her arm immediately, his eyes reading her completely bewildered impression and his grip loosened then let go, feeling the second he did that he had lost a part of himself too. He looked down to the ground, then took a deep breath in, how was he to begin. "Khushi," he began again. his voice low.

She looked to him once more, unable to understand exactly what it was that he was finding so difficult to tell her when her eyes snapped up suddenly.

He turned around abruptly as the loud knock broke through his train of thought, his eyes disapprovingly falling upon NK's troubled face in an instant. Scrunching his brows and sighing he got up to walk over but before he could NK was already by his side, his thumbs fiddling against each other as he bit his lower lip.

"Arnav it's Angelica! She's done it again," NK mumbled, the panic in his eyes completely evident as Arnav's eyes widened and he felt his senses go completely numb. He felt his legs go weak beneath him, the reality of his own life come crashing down upon him as he let NK lead him away, seemingly lost as to what he had been attempting to do only seconds before, the panic, the fear too real for him to be able to think of anything else.

NK's voice echoed inside Khushis mind as she sat their unable to comprehend what to do or say next. Her eyes wide, her mind blank.

"Arnav.... Arnav..."

Her hand went to her throat as she attempted to calm the burning sensation riding up her throat, her breaths coming out fast and ragged, her heart beating away at a pace that she had not imagined possible. She crumpled the sheet in her fingers, holding onto it almost as if she was holding on for dear life.

She had been right, her senses had been right, his eyes, the ring to her name every time he said it, his actions, her ability to understand him. She'd known all along.

"Khushi I need to tell you something."

And he had known, he'd found out who she was. That's why he had known her name. That's why he'd refused to tell her his own name.

She felt so completely loss, emotionally drained. She closed her eyes for a second, attempting to stifle the sensation to throw up all of a sudden, her blood rising to her cheeks, heat engulfing her. It was as if she was seeing everything through a haze.

This moment, this truth, this realisation that she had spent her whole life waiting, praying, hoping for was finally here. He was alive, in front of her, protecting her and yet she didn't know what to do. She sat their frozen to the spot, unable to will her limbs to move, her breath stuck in her throat.

Tears trailed down her cheeks, and she didn't know how to stop them, to gain the strength to move her hands. Her every prayer had been answered and she simply did not know what to do...


"Arnav wait! Wait! Just hold up a second they are still on the way to the hospital!" NK screamed out as Arnav quickened his steps, walking hurriedly then fell into a run, his feet hitting off of the ground noisily as he ran to the garage, already unlocking it from the distance.

Aman too ran after him, faster than NK on his feet, his hand falling onto Arnav's shoulder as he dragged him back. "Arnav listen to me! Just calm down take a breather. Everything will be fine," Aman reassured him but Arnav was lost, his eyes focused on the distance, his mind chaotic.

He moved Aman's arm away looking straight at him this time, "listen Aman I need to get there. I know she's not supposed to mean anything to me but..." his voice broke halfway, he stopped himself before he broke down.

Aman nodded in reply, taking a deep breath he placed both his hands on Arnav's shoulder, causing him to look up, that understanding that they had between them sparking in an instant. "I'll come with you, NK can take care of things here," Aman reassured, his voice low, not unknown to his friends pain. And that's when it hit him again, Arnav's eyes widened and he felt himself loose his thought process all over again.

Khushi! He had been about to tell her, he had gotten so close. He scrunched his eyes shut, everything a bit too overwhelming for him. He took several deep breaths in, attempting to calm himself, his mind constantly flashing back to the last time she had done this, the last time she had ended up in hospital and how much it had weakened him. He didn't want to go back to that place again. Her words, then Khushi's face, Khushi's eyes, large hazel orbs, then dark brown ones.

"I can't do this, I don't want to do this anymore," Angelica's tear stricken face, her large eyes raw with tears.

Khushi's gentle fingers against his skin, her tiny gestures, her bewildered eyes.

"Please just let me die, let me go, please," her voice, pleading for release, for closure.

Khushi's hand in his, how perfectly it fit, the relief of finally knowing that she was alive.

"You know showing your pain doesn't weaken you," those same words after so many years, how good it felt, how much strength it gave him.

He turned around suddenly, wanting to go back, just blurt it out, shout it out to her. Scream at the top of his lungs. Then stopped, midway, his mind whirring back to Angelica, how he had to be there for her because who else would? His mind torn, his thoughts frayed. His hands automatically went to his temples, he needed to desperately calm the storm that was raging through his mind. "Deep breaths Arnav deep breaths," he mumbled to himself then finally sighing turned back towards Aman.

"No Aman you stay here, I want Khushi safe just keep a look out on her and I'll try and get back soon," Arnav stated quietly, his voice hoarse with tears that threatened to spill out then quickly strode off.


Khushi walked over to her room, her mind in a trance like state. It was as if she was walking on a cloud, her mind not quite registering the impact of her feet hitting the ground. Arnav, he was here, in the flesh, alive, after all of these years. And he knew that she was alive, that she was here. He was keeping her here, keeping her from the truth yet protecting her. She closed the door behind her, her movements robotic, automatic. She let her frail body rest agains the back of the door, not realising when she had slid down to the floor, not realising the tears that continued to flow down her cheeks.

"Angelica," that struck a cord somewhere, why had he been so troubled on the mention of her? Who was she? Even when the rest of the world had believed him to be dead she had kept her hopes, her heart had recognised him. She belonged in heart and soul only to him but had he given himself over to another? Was that why he was so reluctant to tell her? Tell her the truth? Her, who had been waiting for so many years, surviving on only that tiny glimmer of hope? Had he not believed her worthy of the truth, of relief?

So what if he loved another, she decided, he had the right to move on. But that didn't mean that he keep things from her. A battle was raging through her mind, a war that had always been fought but today a bit different, today it was at the forefront, threatening to cripple her every sense.

His molten brown eyes flashed across her mind, she closed her eyes for a split second trying to understand the man that he now was. She'd met him in the midst of chaos just like she had lost him all those years ago. He'd left her with dreams, not nightmares but dreams, her mind had not recognised them at first but now she understood. She buried her face in her hands, her sobs loud as her body shook with the torrents of them. She couldn't stop herself from thinking about too many possibilities at the one time and then about how perfect she felt around him. The way in which their hands intertwined without a word, his gentle words, his soft promises, the smallest nudge of his hand against hers. She moved her head back, banging it on the door, crying for escape.

She wanted to leave, flee, hide in a place where she would never see him again. She'd wished for this for so long! Wished that he was alive, wished that they would have a future together but now that she knew, she didn't know what to do, wasn't sure she knew him. His deep dark secrets, his many walls, the mystery that constantly surrounded him, she didn't know if she wanted to know him anymore. What if he dragged her back to that very place she dreaded? Her heart was sure of him, of his sincerity, of his gentle eyes that offered nothing but soft promises but her mind refused to give in.


Arnav continued to press on the lift button, willing for the damn machine to just come down but it wouldn't and he was in a hurry, he had to get to her, make sure that she was okay. His heart was racing away in his chest, the blood pounding through his ears. Looking both ways gulping down the bile that rose up his throat he began to run, pushing people out of his way.

His feet were rapid on the stairs, taking two at a time, his breath ragged, his head throbbing, a pounding at the back of it as a result of thinking through too many things at the same time.

He slid to a stop in front of the reception, trying to make his way through an already present commotion.

"I told you I don't know her fucking last name!" The girl swore, she was dressed in a short black dress, it's hem barely covering her, her feet not quite straight in her large platformed heels.

"Sorry ma'am but we can't admit her in without a last name, it's a regulation here," the receptionist answered, attempting to be patient as the girl fumed, shouting more insults at her, waving her hands about in the air in exasperation.

Arnav caught on quickly, still catching his breath, placing his hand on her shoulder she moved the girl out of the way.

"Hey excuse me?! Can't you see that I'm talking here? Do people not have any fucking manners?" She growled, her eyes furious but Arnav ignored her completely, instead leaning over the counter he trained his eyes on the receptionist who was watching him equally taken aback.

"What's the name of the patient she wants to admit?" He questioned, his voice stern, commanding.

"Sir?" The receptionist questioned.

His jaw tightened, his eyes re-igniting with that raw anger. "Can't you answer a blood question?" He yelled, done with his patience. "I asked what the patients name is!" He exclaimed through gritted teeth.

Her eyes widened for a second then quickly arranging herself she answered, her voice trembling, "sir that's the problem we don't have a proper name," she tried then.

"Yes she has! I just told you! It's not my problem that you won't accept it!" The other girl jumped in, looking from Arnav to the receptionist, not entirely sure what was going on. "It's Angelica! I told you once!" She exclaimed, exasperated.

Sighing he turned back towards the receptionist, "I want her treated right now you got that? I want her out of the mess that she's put herself into!" He warned, his eyes furious.

"But sir," her voice shook as she tried to explain to him, "it's not possible without a full name."

"She has a full name," he muttered, his voice almost inaudible, his eyes averting to the ground suddenly, as if he was ashamed to even address her by her name anymore. Both their eyes snapped up to him.

His jaw tightened, his fists clenched at his sides, he had to close his eyes for a second for himself to be able to still address her as that. Finally giving in he looked to the receptionist, "her name is Anjali Singh Raizada and she is my sister."

We are the fragments
And the broken off pieces
of all we have missed
- Tyler Knott Gregson

Mwahaha! Another cliffhanger tihihi :P. But hey I cleared a lot in this chapter so I wasn't that evil :P xx